Grace Grace

Tomorrow we celebrate Hannah's 6th birthday! That hardly seems possible but here we are. We have both changed so much on this wild and beautiful journey. I remember her first cry and the agony of having to wait to see that face. I could hear her but I couldn't see her because I had a c-section. Little girl was sunny side up!

She was 12 days late. For those of you who have carried a baby, you know that in the last weeks it literally feels as if you will be pregnant forever. You know its not true but the wait and the anticipation of meeting your tiny human is overwhelming and the days after your due date seem like years. You want the day to be TODAY! Now now now!

Funny because that's kind of where I find myself in life right now. I know its coming. I don't know when or how. Waiting is agony. The unknown makes me anxious. I just have to trust God for his timing. The wait and the anticipation seem to have a sweetening effect on things after their arrival because you waited so long. There is something about the fulfillment with all that wait behind it that is magical. Of course only in retrospect. The present feels grueling. Then when the labor starts it is a greater difficultly than you ever imagined. After almost 20 hours of labor and 3 hours of pushing Hannah was born by c-section because she was not in the proper position. There was no way I could give birth to her naturally so a Doctor's intervention was necessary for the preservation of both our lives. Sophie was born naturally -and I mean naturally- no drugs or interventions...which was quite horrible but really, super awesome when with that last push she appeared -and within hours of her due date! Haha
But in all seriousness I have been thinking alot about the two ways babies come. It reminds me of the dreams God puts in our hearts. They start out as the tiniest whisper and grow and grow until the appointed time that they are brought forth. Sometimes quietly and with ease. Sometimes loud and messy. Sometimes God intervenes when we cannot do it ourselves. And in this season I cannot let go I feel like I am waiting for the arrival of something amazing when it looks utterly, laughably, ridiculous to hope for. And yet I hope. And then it seems like in an instant we're there. And what beauty the dream is.

Hannah Grace 1 year

YOU ARE MY NEW DREAM.

Happy 6th Birthday Hannah!